WALA

the moment he stepped out of the room, tears came rushing down my cheeks… i didn’t wipe ‘em… i just let ‘em all fell and damped my face… as my sight got blurrier by every second, i noticed his gaze… oh my sweet panda… he’s carefully studying my face.. he seemed to pity me… i hugged him… but this time even tighter…

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why do we, girls, keep saying “wala” when something’s really wrong? why do we still have it at the back of our minds that they, boys, will one day comprehend or sense what we feel without having to say it to their faces. we already know that boys will never figure out the complicated thinking of girls but why do we still hope that one day they will? no wonder we end up frustrated… or worse, hurt.

Ø i thought that if there will be one person whom a guy would trust with everything about himself, it’d be his wife whom he also treats as his bestfriend (unless it’s just what the wife thought all along). everything means every thing. past, present and future. yeah, the past shouldn’t matter anymore, but it’s not the content of that past that matters to her. what hurts is that whatever is in that “past”, she doesn’t seem worthy enough of his trust, to know.

· he said he’s slowly opening up… slowly? please define that word, because he’s one of the few persons she knows who is not fond of waiting. and the girl, mind you, has waited for years already. I repeat, years.

· she said, even if they don’t talk about it ever again, the sickening thought of it will remain in her mind. as expected, he really didn’t bother to bring it up again. of course!

Ø she felt so sorry for ruining his plans, especially "that" plan. yeah. it seems she’s really not an expert receiver of surprises. she may know how to surprise others but it really looks like she can’t handle being surprised (no wonder she has a way of spoling ‘em – surprises). it sucks that she can always remember how it all happened and would always shed a tear or two, because of what could’ve happened had she not been provoked to do what she shouldn’t have done. but who’s to blame? she.

Ø happiness is a choice. if it really is just a choice, then the only reason you’re happy is because you CHOSE to be happy. nothing more nothing less. or if you don’t find any more reason to be happy, you have to choose to be happy so you’ll stay happy? SAY WHAT AGAIN???!!!!

as of this writing, my heart is racing again, but this time it’s because i’m so full of it. so full of these unidentified sentiments. this may not necessarily be because of a person but of the things that just happened and things that may keep on happening. SIGH.

“wala” is the conversion of SIGH into words. “wala” summarizes the undefined feelings and jumbled thoughts of a girl who, at her exasperation, can only say one word when she’s at the peak of her emotions. so don’t dare ask me now if something’s bothering me, coz I definitely would say, “WALA”.